Recover a relationship

RECOVER A RELATIONSHIP

                                          

People who tell their partner what they should be doing, or when, have forgotten this deceptively simple idea.  Who says your way is the right way?  Instead of dictating, organizing or educating your partner, focus on collaborating.  Ask your partner’s opinion.  Invite him or her into your thoughts and ideas.  Be co-conspirators in creating the future you want to live together

When you were dating, you focused on each other.  Now that you have more responsibilities—children, a home, and more—it’s quite possible that you spend more energy on getting things done than you do on each other.  To recover from relationship problems, it’s critical to set aside time to attend only to each other in a way that reinforces how much you care.  Doing this might range from little rituals you create (bringing coffee to your partner in bed each morning) to spending a great deal of time learning how to do something new together.  Make sure you focus on each other, and what you choose makes you feel positive, makes you laugh, or reinforces your love

Repairing your relationship after some sort of mistake or hurt is one of the best things you can do.  But too many people unwittingly try to do this with a bad apology.  Here’s an example:  “I’m so sorry I got mad at you, but you really triggered me.”  That’s not an apology—that’s blame!  You can recognize a bad apology because it almost always includes the words "but" or "because."  Instead, apologize by owning your mistake or behavior, and putting forward a plan to help eliminate the same thing happening again in the future.

Grief is like a squall in the middle of the ocean. It comes without warning and despite how hard you try to avoid it or suppress it, you can’t. Let the tears, screams and sobs pour out of you. If you have to cry, you have to cry, just like when you’ve got to go to bathroom, you’ve got to go; you don’t have a choice, you have to release whatever’s in there.

Grief is the same way. Imagine if you held in your bodily functions, trying to keep yourself from sweating, urinating or defecating, you would harm yourself beyond repair. The same applies with holding in your grief—it will only cause you more pain.